Chapter 12

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August 9, 2001


“Come on, babe! Three more laps! You gon’ let a fifty-year-old man beat you?” Drew jogged backward as he encouraged and taunted me.


As Michael’s schedule picked up with rehearsals and album work, I had the kids majority of the time. Today, I dropped the kids off with Katherine so Drew, and I could spend time together. For the past four months, I’ve been dividing my time between the kids and Andrew, never once stepping foot in the office. As Drew would always remind me that I had employees for a reason. He was right.


Since then, I’ve spent my time with him and my children. And he never lets me talk about work unless I’m altering something to the new building I’ve finally settled on.


We’re official, but I’ve yet to tell anyone. Especially Michael.


It’s actually a miracle that we’ve kept so quiet about it for this long.


With me not being at the office, no one could question anything. Katherine knew that Drew was my “little friend,” but nothing more. It’s actually quite the benefit that Michael has been in New York all this time.


Since that paparazzi fiasco, we’ve done everything we could to stay private and out of the spotlight. Andrew didn’t like fame, and neither did I. We don’t do famous, and I appreciate that we share that. We wanted to be private, and that’s how we kept things.


I missed that sense of protection that kept me and mine out of the spotlight. It may be too soon to say, but I especially love that about him.


“You good?” Drew flashed that toothy smile once I finally finished my last lap.


“I feel gross.” The most exercise I do is yoga, Pilates, and the occasional elliptical. I’m in shape, but I can’t stand running.


“You don’t look it, though,” he licked his lips.


“Don’t start,” I blushed. “You got any more exercises you tryna do, or are we done here?”


“You wanna be done?”


“Please! After ten laps, thirty mountain climbers, and sixty bicycles? Hell yeah, I wanna be done!” We laughed.


“Okay, baby,” he pulled me in for a sweaty hug and kissed my forehead. “We can be done.”


Nestled in a quiet wooded cul-de-sac in Santa Monica, Drew had bought and remodeled the two-story Spanish home that architect John Parkinson built for his family in 1921. Although keeping most of its original designs, Drew made it to more his taste than Parkinson’s.


Whenever I wasn’t at home with the kids, I made myself at home in Drew’s house. Quiet, quaint, and far from eccentric, I loved it.


“I let Drea off early tonight. I told her I’ll be making dinner,” Drew said as we walked back to his house.


I looked over at him, “you’re making dinner?”


He laughed, “don’t sound so surprised. I wanted to do something special for you.”


“Aww, baby, you’re always doing something special for me. Take a break. Let’s eat out tonight.”


“No,” he shook his head. “I’ve already got the menu together.”


“Really? And what’s that?”


“It’s a surprise,” he winked.


Looking at him in all his sweaty splendor, all I could do was smile.


He peered over at me and smiled, “whatchu over there smilin’ about?”


“Nothing,” I shook my head.


“Mmhm,” he nodded.


“While you’re getting dinner together, Ima take a shower. Gotta get some hot water running on these aching muscles.”


“By the time you’re out, ‘cause I know how long you like to take showers, dinner will be halfway made.”


“Stop it… I’ll be in and out. That way, I can help you.”


“Who says I want your help?”


“What you want me to do? Just watch you?”


“You can watch,” he laughed.


“Sure, watch,” I rolled my eyes. “Whatever you say.”


“Don’t act like you ain’t gonna enjoy the view.”


“Oh, I know I will.”


Once we got in the house, I made my way up to his master bathroom.


I thought my bathroom was great? Being with a real estate giant told me that I was just an amateur.


His bathroom was fit for a King and his potential Queen. Large floor-to-ceiling windows faced the neighborless backyard. Coated in dark blue, beige, and gray, with a lone bathtub in the middle and a shower the size of a walk-in closet off the side. He outdid himself, and he knew it.


I stepped into the shower to wash myself of the day’s events.


I always stayed fit and active, but I never had anyone to stay so active with.


Michael danced. That was his only natural way of staying active. He had his ways of working out, and I had to find mine.


But working out with someone was new to me.


Andrew was showing me new things. Introducing me to things after I’d previously thought I’d done everything.


Nope. This was a whole new level of intimacy that I never knew I craved.


After standing underneath the stream of hot water, I finally got out and dried myself, and put on my pajamas. A burgundy satin slip with a black robe and black slippers.


Because of how often I’d been here, Drew gave me a drawer. And according to Amala, that meant something in today’s dating world.


“Ooo, something smells good,” I hugged Drew from behind. He still hadn’t showered, and I now had his sweat all over me, but I didn’t even care.


“Taste this,” he turned around and held a wooden spoon with a pale orange-colored sauce to my mouth. “It’s hot, so blow first.”


I followed his instruction and blew on the sauce a couple of times before tasting it.


“What do you think?” He tried reading my face to decipher what I thought.


I let it marinate in my mouth for a second. The sauce was creamy and sent fireworks all throughout my mouth.


I licked my lips and pulled him down to kiss me, “delicious.”


“Yeah?” he smiled against my lips.


“Mmhm,” I nodded.


“Well,” he tried saying between kisses. “If…you…like…it…wait…til-”


“Shh,” I stopped him. “Now that I’ve enjoyed that let me enjoy you.”


At that, he had nothing more to say as we kissed deeply.


This kiss was like no other. It reminded me of kisses Michael and I shared as newlyweds. Hunger and lust-filled, just less embarrassing. 


Being with Andrew reminded me that I hadn’t been intimate with anyone since I was pregnant.

How depressing.


And to know that Michael was screwing Shana and me at the same time made me feel dirty for a long time. 


That was back in the nineties.


I haven’t been touched or touched anyone since then.


I’ve thought long and hard about whether I’d let Andrew receive that part of me. 


If I’d let him be that second person to have me. To… touch me. Taste me… Experience… me. 


As the only person who had privilege was Michael.


After being with one person for most of my life, I’m well aware that he was the only experience I’ve ever had. But I’m also aware that he might not be the best in that area…


“Baby,” Drew took my wrists in his hands carefully and backed away to look me in the eye. “Are-” he swallowed. “You good?” He smiled sheepishly.


I nodded. “I’m fine. Why?”


“You ain’t never kissed me like that before.”


I gave him a once-over to see that he was just as excited as I was. “Too much?”


“I mean,” he shook his head. “I just wasn’t sure if you wanted to go that route right now.”


“There’s no time like the present.”


He looked me in the eye and swallowed almost as if he was nervous or really considering whether we should take it to that level.


Once we became official, he expressed that when Michael and I were married, he always considered Michael a lucky man. And now that he and I were together, he prided himself on being that lucky man. It was never his intent to “be with me” because, like everyone else, he figured Michael and I would always be married. 


Now, here we are, and his luckiness has dissolved into nervousness. He has no idea what to do now.


Andrew turned around and turned off the stove. I guess we are eating out tonight.


“You have no idea how special you are to me,” he picked me up and kissed me. Kissed me to keep this fire from going cold. Kissed me to let me know how much I meant to him. Kissed me with that same hunger and fire from moments before. Kissed me to remind me that we’d each been waiting on this moment to arise for a long time.


He carried me up the stairs with little to no effort. His concentration was on both getting up them stairs and keeping me in his arms.


I’m not going to lie.


I’m nervous.


The last person to enter my innermost walls was my ex-husband, Michael.


The last person to exit my innermost walls was my son, Michael… The very person, my ex-husband, produced inside of me... The evidence of my intense loyalty to the man I now call my ex-husband.


My heart raced against Andrew’s bare chest.


We’re doing this.


I’m really about to do this.


In the eyes of man, this isn't wrong. I'm divorced and single. 


In the eyes of God, this is wrong on many levels. It's fornication and because I'm a divorced woman and my husband is still alive, I shouldn't even think about doing this...


But my body needs this.


Once we got to his bedroom, he turned on the lights and carefully laid me back on his Alaskan King Bed, and placed a trail of hot kisses along my face, neck, and shoulders. He inhaled deeply. Encasing my natural scent deep within his nostrils.


They say when a woman really likes a man, she loves his natural scent. Andrew had a soft musk that had natural notes of warm vanilla. And I loved every bit of being close to him.


Every kiss he trailed down my body from my arms to my legs to my toes was sizzling. Hot. Energizing. And it made me realize how alive I truly was. I hadn’t been touched like this in such a long time… I nearly forgot what it felt like to be doted to like this. 


I was wet. My natural lubricant spread like wildfire, and it sent chills up my spine. She needed this just as much as I did. We needed Drew. Even if I didn’t love him yet. My body needed him in more ways than one. I desired him just as much as he wanted me at this moment. Maybe I could grow to love Drew. Maybe. I’m so used to having sex with love that it’s literally blowing my mind that I’m about to do it without.


Instead, I’m having sex with someone that I care about. Deeply. Someone I’ve been dating for four months now. I didn’t give myself to Michael until we were married. Now, I’m about to give myself to someone I’ve only known for nine months… Is this low or liberation?


Andrew came back up to me and kissed my forehead, “may I?” He held the strap of my slip between his thumb and middle finger. I nodded, giving him all the permission he needed to gain access to my body.


He let out a soft exhale, almost as if his nervousness was going out the window, and slipped the straps from my shoulders and brought the slip down to my bare breasts. Not yet wanting to expose the treasure between my legs yet. 


We were both nervous. The only other man to see my body was Michael. Gosh…


These were different breasts from the ones I had before. These were breasts that had nursed two babies. They no longer had the firm texture from when I was childless; however, working out kept them firm enough. They were bigger than their youthful 36B, now yielding a 36D. I’ve finally grown accustomed to them, and as Andrew slowly took each nipple into his mouth, I could tell he enjoyed them too…


I closed my eyes at the feel of his warm mouth on my nipples. It immediately sent shock waves through my body. This act alone let me know that he was about to make love to me. Nothing about us was casual, but I could tell this wasn’t going to be a quickie. I could tell that he was in this for me more than he was in it for himself. 


He massaged each of my breasts as he carefully nursed at them. Twirling his tongue around one nipple as he slowly twisted the other between his thumb and middle finger. His eyes closed as he was in his own little world, just as I was in mine.


With the hand he had on my breast, he slowly eased it down between my legs, where it was hot. Hot enough for both of us to feel.


My lover traced the line of my damp flesh and slowly pressed two fingers in.


“Wait,” I stopped him.


“What’s wrong?” he rested his hand on my thigh and looked up at me.


I swallowed. “I’m sorry. I haven’t done this in a long time.”


“Do you want to stop?”


I shook my head no. The silence was deafening.


He took that as his sign to continue, carefully bringing my slips past my hips and ankles, exposing every inch of me to him…


I exhaled.


This is it.


For a moment, he sat back and admired me. Admired the stretch marks along with the fullness of my hips that came with bearing twins. The beauty mark on my right cheek. And took in the small pouch that I’ve tried so hard to get rid of post-babies but have come to understand that will always be there.

Michael hasn’t even seen my post-twins body and I doubt he ever will.


Andrew lay on his stomach and kissed my inner thighs as I carefully opened them for him. With his fingers, he parted my lower lips. And with his tongue, he decorated and redecorated my vulva, then slid his tongue all the way inside me. He wrapped both arms around my thighs and took all of me into his mouth, softly sucking on my clit.


It had been such a dreadfully long time since I’d been made love to like this. I looked down to witness the pleasure Andrew was giving to me. His eyes were closed, but after a while, he opened his pretty brown eyes to witness my face, only to lock eyes with me. He had me right then and there. I couldn’t look away if I tried. It was like I was in a trance as I looked him in the eye while he pleasured me with his mouth. He blinked but never looked away…


“God,” I called out as I fell back against the bed. But God wasn’t in here. He was watching us fornicate for sure, but he wasn’t in this room. 


Andrew's tongue swam across my sex like he was licking the last bit of frosting from a cupcake. Using the width of his tongue, he licked me like he was licking the spoon that held the last bit of cake batter. The greedy bastard devoured me like he had been waiting his whole life to eat me out.


My lover woke up nerves I had forgotten about.


I reached down and held his head closer to me. I moaned obscenities. Saying lust-filled words that I hadn’t said in a long time. 


I was losing it, and he knew it. He wanted me all over his face. And I couldn’t even fully comprehend that I was about to do just that with another man other than my ex-husband.


“God, you look so beautiful,” he muffled between my thighs.


I smiled. My focus on cumming dissipated, interrupted by his compliment.


“I’m sorry,” he came up to kiss me. “Can you tell I’ve wanted you for a long time?” He continued to kiss me as he reached down to stimulate my sex. 


“Have you?” I smiled against his lips.


“My every dream is coming true right now. It’s kind of like you were my teenage crush, even though I’m almost a whole decade older. I’ve dreamt of making love to you for a while now.”


I sighed as I tried focusing on his words as he pleased me with his fingers. “Really?”


“Mmhm,” he licked his lips as he watched me focus on his fingers sliding in and out of me. Giving me premature penetration, to whatever came with the hard wood pressing against his shorts was going to give me. It’s big. I can tell. I don’t even have to see it to know.


He slowly rubbed my clit beneath his fingers.


Over the years with Michael, I watched him progress from rubbing my clit like he was deejaying on a damn turntable to learning to rub me softly. With Andrew, I don’t have to go through with that progression. He already knows what he’s doing.


He kissed my cheek as he continued to rub my clit and pushed my hair back from around my face with his other hand.


This man is really making love to me.


This is what creates soul ties.


This makes a woman crazy over a man.


Maybe this is another reason why he and his ex stayed together…


“It’s okay…” he cooed.


I opened my eyes and looked at him, “what?” My voice slightly shaky.


“Cum,” he nodded toward me.


“Huh?” My eyebrows knit together. I became even more excited.


“Cum,” he instructed again.


He’s talking me through my orgasm…


I closed my eyes as my toes curled. What…?


I began to pulsate. All of my nerves connecting to one vital source. The one deep in between my thighs. The one Drew had beneath his fingertips. 


He rubbed me a tad bit faster. I listened as my wetness sloshed beneath his fingertips and lost control. Orgasm began, and I released every tense muscle within my body. My cheeks, once hot, immediately went cold.


“Oh my god,” I breathed as Drew kissed my face and finally my lips. I brought my hand up to his face and held him there. He just gave me something I hadn’t had in a while. Not from another person, at least.


“You okay?” He gave me a small smile as he stood up and went over to his nightstand and pulled the drawer out.


I chuckled to myself, “I’m fine. Thank you.”


I finally opened my eyes to find him pulling out a gold wrapper. I’ve never used a condom in all my life. It’s a miracle Michael and I didn’t get pregnant as many times as we went raw. I guess this is what comes with premarital sex.


“I’m going to shower. I’ll be right back,” he crawled over to kiss me.


“Right now?!”


He laughed. “Yeah. Call me a sap, but I kinda want this moment to be special… and clean.”


“You say that like we ain’t gon’ be sweatin’ again,” my whole country-ass Ohio accent came out.


He laughed out loud this time. “Yes, but-”


“I’m coming with you then,” I sat up and got off the bed.


“Really?”


“You really gon’ leave me in heat like this?”


He smiled to himself and licked his lips, “come on baby,” he took my hand and grabbed the condom in the other as we made our way to the bathroom.


Cold from all the heat rushing from my body after orgasm, I hopped in the shower immediately. Drenching my hair and body in hot water. It wasn’t hot enough if my skin wasn’t red.


Drew opened the shower door and closed it behind him. Even now, he looked glorious. My eyes went straight to his lingam, which was at full salute. I swallowed as I imagined his length down my throat. One thing I enjoyed doing in my marriage was giving head. Drew was more considerable than Michael in girth, an inch longer, and circumcised… I wouldn’t have to push any foreskin back, but it might be more of a challenge to please him, as foreskin made the tip of a penis more sensitive.


He walked over to me and kissed me, “you okay?” I nodded. “The last thing I wanna do is make you nervous.”


I laughed, “oh, baby. We passed that stage a long time ago. And by looking at your third leg right there,” I nodded toward his penis. “I’ve got plenty to be nervous about.”


“I’ll be gentle,” he kissed me again.


“You have no choice.”


A shower this massive had dual showerheads, so there was no moving one person from one side to get under the water. My lover grabbed his washcloth and began to lather up. All I could do was watch. Even washing, he was beautiful. If I wasn’t in love before, I was undoubtedly in love now.


Once he finished, he smiled and came over to me.


“I gotta tell you something,” he caressed my face as he looked me over.


“What’s that?”


“I want you to be the last, okay?”


“Last?”


He nodded. “Last. I know what I want. And what I want is you. All I’ve done and will continue to do is show you that. I’ll help you with the kids, whatever you want, okay?”


“Okay,” I nodded.


“I mean it. You and me, we could get into a lot of trouble. Think about that.” I nodded again. “Think about that,” he repeated and brought his lips to mine and pulled me in for another hunger-filled kiss. 


These past couple of months have shown me that he’s not playing about me. And once we break this five-year-long involuntary celibacy of mine… It’s undoubtedly going to be cemented then.


He reached behind him and grabbed the gold wrapper, backing away from me to put it in between his teeth and ripped it open. While I watched him put the condom on, his eyes were on me, trying to decipher my thoughts. 


My lover spat the wrapper from his mouth onto the shower floor and came over to me. He bent down and opened my legs to lift me up from my thighs and brought me close to him.


I swallowed.


“You okay?” He looked up at me. I nodded. I know what I’m signing up for, but do I really?


He gently lowered me onto the tip of his penis, causing my mouth to fall agape.


“Wait,” I pressed my hand hard against his chest. He raised me back up. 


Years of bench-pressing made him lift me up easy. This probably wasn’t even a challenge for him. This was light work. Michael couldn’t have done this if he tried. 


It had been such a long time since I’d had intercourse. I practically felt like a virgin.


He lowered me again, but only enough to where we could kiss. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back as he slowly tried to lower me back down onto the tip of his penis. I winced and pressed my hand hard against his chest again. 


My vagina was only used to one man. After giving birth to two babies back to back, I know I can handle more, but that’s pushing out. Not letting anything come in.


“Relax,” he cooed as he held me in one arm and rubbed the tip of his dick against my vulva. “This is still what you want, right?” I nodded.


He held me in both arms again and lowered me back down onto the tip.


I gasped as I allowed all of him to enter me. To stretch out my walls beyond what they were used to.


We stood there. Connected. He kissed me repeatedly as we let my body become accustomed to him. 

Finally, he slowly began to lift me and lower me. 


My eyes began to roll back at the feel of my walls expand and contract at each movement.


I finally opened my eyes to find my lover looking at me with soft desire in his eyes. His eyebrows softly knit together as he lifts and lowers me onto his lingam. I couldn’t help but caress his face as he gently made love to me. 


He stopped lifting me and held me close enough to where he could finally begin to stroke me slowly. With each stroke, he sought to own me, but with the look on his face, it’s safe to say I owned him. He looked like he was about to lose it already but quickly closed his eyes to regain focus and stroked me a bit faster.


Every stroke hit deep.


It had been a long time since I had felt a man in my stomach. And now, here I am. Beyond that. 


New pussy had him in nirvana. 


New dick had me in more tremendous heat than I had ever been before.


This excited me in more ways than one.


I’d once heard that one doesn’t know “real” sex if they had no one else to compare it to. I often shot down that notion because I didn’t need anyone else to compare it to. I was happy with what I had. But knowing I could have had this with Andrew all along? I guess there is such a thing as "good" and "bad" sex.


Sex with Michael wasn’t always bad. It was mostly good but in all, had I experienced sex like this with Michael? Maybe it would have kept me stupid for another ten years.


Andrew walked me over to the shower door and pressed my back against it. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he gave me deeper and faster strokes. He pulled me in for another kiss and sucked my tongue. He continued to kiss me like he had wanted to kiss me all his life. And by the sounds of it, he did. 


He grabbed my left butt cheek into his hand, squeezing it as he stroked. Begging to know me. Dying to be deeper inside of me. He kept a steady stroke. Our connection powerful. Powerful enough to possibly bring me to love.


He was stroking me this way to prove a point.


To let me know that he didn’t care who was before him and that no one would be here after him.


To ensure that I wouldn’t even think twice about returning to Michael, even after all this time.


And by the way, I was grasping onto Drew’s biceps; there was no way I was going to go back to Michael.


No way in hell. I already knew that, but this coitus confirmed that. This coitus confirmed that this pussy had a new owner, and he was proving just that.


He continued to thrust and stir me. Began to whisper meaningful somethings in my ear. How much he cared about me. How tight I felt. How good I was making him feel. Told me how he longed for this moment to please me. How he longed to make me his.


And as he brought me close for another kiss, he brought me back into his arms, turned around, and slowly knelt down to the floor. Carefully, laying me down on the floor while still inside me.


Water fell on us from all different directions, but we didn’t care in the slightest. 


He held the back of my left knee in his hand and continued to stroke me. His hips moving the way Michael's once did. This is the only way they were similar. Those damn hips. Those goddamned hips produce a perfect stroke.


I hadn’t been loved on like this in such a long time… Such a long time that I wanted to cry at how good it felt. We had already locked eyes, but damn it, if I cry, he’s got me. He’s got me forever.


Drew kissed and sucked at my neck while he had my leg up and hand on the top of my head, massaging it. 


For a fifty-year-old man, he was on point. But what should I have expected?


He finally sat up, my leg still in the palm of his hand, and looked at me. He looked at me like being inside of me was better than being in a mansion in heaven. And the expression on my face told him how good he was making me feel. 


I reached up and touched his face. My thumb rested on his bottom lip as I traced it. He took my thumb between his lips and softly sucked.


I watched in adoration. Wanted to lay there and learn him, stare, and remember this moment for as long as I lived. My first experience outside of Michael, and it wasn’t bad. It was phenomenal.


“Cum with me, Shayla,” he said softly.


“Hmm?” I closed my eyes.


He made me wrap my legs around him and carefully lay atop of me. “Cum with me.”


“Oh, god…” I moaned at the thought. What is he doing to me?


“You’re so beautiful like this. Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you look like this?” I shook my head no. “The way your eyebrows scrunch together. The way your cheeks get red. And the corner of your top lip twitches,” he kissed the corner of my top lip. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.”


“Andrew,” I whimpered.


“Yes, baby?” He kissed my lips softly.


After that, I couldn’t utter another word.


Orgasm ran its finger up and down my spine. I came hard. Whatever heat left my body was instantly replaced with the heat from the water falling atop of us.


It didn’t take long for Drew to cum after me. The way he tensed up inside me and held me close told me all I needed to know.


We both lay beneath the water, catching our breath. I replayed each and every moment of the beautiful intercourse we just shared and smiled. Almost laughed but kept that inside. I truly needed that. 


Andrew mustered up whatever strength he could and propped himself above me.


I opened my eyes to look my lover in the eye and smiled.


He smiled a half-smile back and pushed my hair back from my face. “I love you.”


I opened my mouth, but nothing came forth…

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