top of page


By midnight, we were still lying around in my bed. Although she had gotten up to get our order of Chinese, sweet and sour chicken meals with a cup of white wine on the side. My hair was still half undone. I didn't really want to take it out; I wanted her to take it out for me to be completely honest.

"So, Sinn is a crack head, isn't she?" My girl asked.

I laughed, "Sinn isn't a crack head. She just has problems. She relies on drugs, but I wouldn't call her a crack head."

"Her nose is always red. Do you call her Rudolph?"

"No," I took a sip of wine. "Her nose doesn't get red."

"You're her supplier, aren't you?" She laughed.

"Hell no! I hate crack with a passion."

"So, you don't do it?"

"Do I look like I would?"

She took a look at me and turned my head to each side, "Nah." She sat up and kissed me. I kissed her back, blushing a bit. "But, you do get down with that loud, that's what I do know. And cigarettes."

"So. I'm quitting on cigarettes. I'm gonna let that be your thing. I don't even know why I even tried to do it."

"Oh yeah. And weed isn't bad?"

"It's an herb, babe. It's healthy for you." I fed her some of my lo mein. "My skin isn't bad."

"And mine is?"

"I haven't noticed it but you keep saying your skin is getting bad." I shrugged.

"Right... Hook me up with your stuff." I looked up at her for a minute with a serious look. "I'm serious, Michael. Get me a joint."

"Girl, get out of here!" I laughed. "You're not about that life. Trust me."


"Yeah, really. Besides, you're too much of a good girl to be on that shit." She looked at me as though I was challenging her. "I'm not challenging you. So don't even try that with me." She got up and went to the kitchen. "What are you doing?" I yelled out to her. She didn't reply. I heard rustling of the cans in the kitchen. This girl is trying to find my stash. I smirked. She came back with my bag, paper and a lighter.

"I want to be about that life." She sat back on the bed and ripped a piece of paper.

"You don't need to be." I took my bag from her.

"Michael, I want to see what it's like." She whined.

"Don't whine. It's not attractive." I got up and took the bag into the bathroom, hiding it between a stack of towels. She came in as I shut the door to the closet.

"Well...what do I need to do to be about that life?"

"You're way too beautiful and way too sophisticated to be trying to keep up with what I do. You don't need to be trying that."

"I want to though."



"Because what?"

She sighed, "Never mind."

"No, tell me. Do you want to try it to escape the pain of Drew momentarily?"

"Yes." She bit her lip. "I want to get that momentary high. I want to forget everything. I want to be at the top of the world. I want to feel superior to all my problems."

I picked her up and carried her to my bed, "I can give you a momentary high. A high that will last forever," I lay her back on the bed and kissed her lips. "I can help you forget everything you want to forget," I kissed her jawline. "You can be at the top of the world with me." I kissed her collar bone. "When you're with me, baby, you're rebelling; which makes you more than superior to all your problems." I kissed the corner of her lips. "You don't need drugs to make you feel that way."

She moaned, "...I need you." I smiled. She realizes that I treat her the way a woman is supposed to be treated. She has always gotten this treatment from me. When we first met, I knew she was something special. She deserved to be treated with royalty like a woman should be. Sophia, Sinn and Ravenna deserved it too. Just not from me. I took hold of her hands and brought them over her head, holding them in mine. Her breathing became shallow.

"Again?" I asked, kissing her neck.

"Again..." She breathed.

•              •              •

I woke up to see that the sun was beginning to rise and found her in my arms. I hugged her and kissed her forehead. For once she wasn't hurrying to leave. As I got up to go to the kitchen she began to open her eyes.

"What time is it?" She asked, rubbing her eyes.

"Seven." My heart began to race at the thought of her leaving. I'd probably be more upset than I was the last time, seeing as though we haven't laid around like we did last night for a while.

"Come back in bed." She sat up, holding the sheets up to cover her breasts.

I smiled, a sense of relief took over my body, "You don't want breakfast?"

"I can wait. Come on. Come back to bed." I slid back in bed beside her. "That's much better." She smiled and laid her head on my chest.

"You're not leaving?" I asked as I pushed her hair behind her ear.

"No. Do you want me to leave?" She looked up at me.

I kissed her lips, "No."

"Good," She rested her head back on my chest. "I didn't intend on leaving."

•               •                •

"I love Drew, okay!? You can't stop me from loving him!" She screamed at me.

"He's got you brainwashed! You can't even think for yourself anymore. The only time you think for yourself is when you come here. That's it! Do you understand that? Do you like the way he hits you whenever he wants to?" This was so fucking stupid. I couldn't help her even if I wanted to. One night she's begging to stay with me, the next night she's screaming she hates me.

"I hate you. Why the fuck would you even say that? Does it look like I like it when he hits me?"

"Well you must because you keep going back to his ass." All I said was she needs to go to the hospital and get that bruise checked out because I really think her ribs are broken now since she was in pain all morning right where Drew hit her. Then it escalated to this shit because I actually, because I'm in love with her. Great.

"What I do with my life is my business. Not yours. I'm with Drew, not you!" That stung. "You act like you're my daddy. Don't! I get enough hell from him as it is. I get shit from Drew; I get shit from my dad. I don't need to get it from you too!"

"Calm down, baby-"

"No, you calm down. This happens every time, Michael. Every fucking time. I hate you! I'm so done with this." She took her shoes and ran out. I stared blankly at the front door. I walked calmly to my room and opened my drawer to obtain my notepad. Underneath the lyrics I had written before for a different song, I wrote the lyrics to the song I was recording now: You're gonna hate him, then you'll want me. Then you'll miss him, then you'll hate me.

© All Rights Reserved
bottom of page