I was not phased by this at all. Yes, it hurt when she said she was with Drew and not me. It's true she is with him. I'm just a nigga she sleeps with to get rid of the pain and anger she has for him. I'm not embarrassed to admit that. It's stupid honestly. I'm the nigga on the side, but I deal. I got my phone and called Darryl.
"Yo." He answered.
"Darryl..." I sighed.
"I need you to meet me at the studio."
"Mike, you sound like you're on your death bed or some shit. What's wrong?" He asked, the concern clear in his voice.
"Just meet me at the studio in fifteen minutes."
"Fifteen minutes? It takes me thirty minutes to get there."
"Then I suggest you start driving now." I hung up and put on my shirt. My girl and I already took a shower earlier; I just never got around to getting dressed. I grabbed my keys, phone, notepad and stash and hurried out the house. I wouldn't just fuck my pain away today. I would have to get this song over with so I could release this mix tape.
As soon as I got to the studio, Darryl was already behind the soundboard waiting for me. I sat beside him and lit a joint. "Start the song from the beginning; I need to hear it first." Darryl pressed play and we listened to the song. I sang along with the song and listened to the depth of it to make sure that the new lyrics would fit.
"I tell myself that I'll take you for the last time. I'll be over you eventually. Time after time you seem to brush me off; I understand what we have become. You wash your neck when you leave now I know your routine; I was in love with your mystery. Now I just take what I can get from you I'm not embarrassed to be what you want me to be. Cause unlike you I've got nothing to hide. I don't pretend to have any shame. I got a box we could put all your lies in until the end of days. You know that I will be a call away. The call you make when you're all alone. And I know that I will always be the one you repent when you are done." Darryl pressed stop and looked at me. I nodded, "I like that. Did you feel that?"
"I felt it." Darryl nodded.
"You felt my emotion in that one?"
"Did you feel your emotion?"
I took a long drag, "Yeah. I've got new lyrics today. I have to record this." I got up and went in the mic room and put my headphones on. "Start the track at fifty three seconds."
Darryl pressed play, "Cause unlike you I've got nothing to hide. I don't pretend to have any shame. I got a box we could put all your lies in until the end of days. You know that I will be a call away. The call you make when you're all alone. And I know that I will always be the one, you repent when you are done."
I started reading off my lyrics, "Well here comes the sun. And you're in my arms. And my denial keeps me on the edge on the chance that you'll stay through the night." I paused for a few seconds, "You just wanna fill the void now. I can tell that you've been yelling at him all night long. And I can hear it in your voice now; he's got you smokin' extra packs a day. Don't you worry 'bout me talking, I know why you've been comin,' I'll be quiet this ain't nothin' to me. Just wrap your legs around my waist; I won't stop until you ask me. Don't you worry 'bout us messin' up my sheets. Cause unlike you I got nothin' to hide. I don't pretend to have any shame. I got a box we can put all your lies in until the end of days... ooooooo.... You know that I will be a call away. The call you make when you're all alone. And I know that I will always be the one, you repent when you are done. Well here comes the sun. And you're in my arms. And my denial keeps me on the edge of the chance that you'll stay through the night... Well here comes the sun. And you're in my arms. And my denial keeps me on the edge on the chance that you'll stay through the night. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah... You're gonna hate him, then you'll want me, then you'll miss him, then you'll hate me. Girl, I know you so well. Girl, I know your routine."
I signaled for him to stop. He stopped the track. "Play that part over again. When I say, 'You're gonna hate him, want me and all that." He played the track again and fast forward it to that part. "That part I want some adlib, so play that over and I'll talk between it, okay?"
"Alright." Darryl set up the part again and pressed play.
I listened to the chorus and waited for the perfect moment. "You're gonna hate him, then you'll want me, then you'll miss him (girl) then you'll hate me. Girl, I know you so well. (Girl, I know you so well.) Girl, I know your routine. (Yes, I know your routine.) You're gonna hate him. (Hate him.) Then you'll want me. (Want me.) Then you'll miss him, (baby.) Then you'll hate me. (Yeah.) Girl, I know you so well. (Girl, I know you so well.) Girl, I know your routine, (ooo-ohhh,) well here comes the sun! (Baby,) when you're in my arms... (Ahh yeah.) And my denial keeps me on the edge on the chance, (ohhhh) that you'll stay through the night. (Yeah...) Well here comes the (sun... ooooo) and you're in my arms (ohhh, yeah, yeah, yeah) and my denial keeps me on the edge on the chance that you'll stay through the night. (Yeah, yeah...ohhhh...)" I waited for the rest of the instrumental to finish and took my headphones off, inhaling my drug deep within my lungs.
"You okay in there?" Darryl asked me. I didn't bother looking up at him. This girl had me thinking all kinds of things. All to the point that I was writing songs about her. Ravenna never had me writing songs about her. This girl isn't even mine, but I was into her so bad that it was hurting me, physically, emotionally and mentally. "You wanna hear the song again? You really got that one, Mike. You damn near had me out here crying." I laughed walking back into the soundboard room. "Honestly, this mix tape will have niggas and females in their feelings for real." He laughed. "Niggas will be in their tears after hearing that track. You wanna hear it? You put your whole heart and soul into that one. I see why you wanted me here so quick so you could finish this song."
"Just play the track." I leaned over onto my knees. Darryl played the song from the beginning. I listened to the words, my voice and my emotion. I was so into that shit. Darryl was right. This song might have dudes feeling the same way I'm feeling. As soon as it got to the part where I added the new lyrics I had written earlier this morning, I had broken down. "I'll be back." I managed to say and hurried out to the hallway. Why was I feeling this way? Why was I so in love with this girl when it's clear that I'm not the one she truly wants? Why was I writing songs about her? Maybe I was feeling this way because she shut me down so badly this morning in telling me that she was with Drew and not me. I inhaled my blunt deeply, taking its relaxing herb deep into my lungs. I wiped my face and went back into the studio. Darryl looked at me with clear concern in his voice. "Man, why are you looking at me like that?"
"You, okay?" He asked.
"Yeah, I'm cool. Can you start the track again?"
"If you're gonna start crying over a girl that isn't yours then no." He answered with a serious face.
"I wasn't crying. I don't cry. I had something in my eye. It was irritating. I think it was a spec of weed."
"Man...I've known you for years. This girl has you sprung and she's not even yours."
"Can you just play the track again?"
"Fine. But as soon as you start crying like a bitch, I'm cutting this shit off." He said and pressed play, starting it from the beginning. Once again, I listened to the depth, my voice and my emotion. Darryl kept staring at me as though he was waiting for me to start crying like some baby. As soon as the song ended, Darryl stopped it almost immediately and continued to stare at me.
"Darryl, why the fuck are you staring at me?" I turned around to look at him.
"I'm waitin' for yo bitch ass to cry. That's why."
"Well, I'm not."
"Good. One less bitch for me to worry about." He turned away and started messing with the soundboard.
"Keep callin' me a bitch..."
"Bitch." I threw a set of headphones at him. "Anyway," he laughed. "When do you want this mix tape released?"
"In two days."
"Yeah...when she comes back. Put three songs on YouTube. Make sure this song I just finished is up there. Then you pick your two favorites and put them there. Make sure you put a link to my website in the description."
"Why do I have to do all that?"
"Because you said you would take care of all that. Do I have to write it down so you won't forget?" I took a piece of paper and wrote it all down anyway. "Don't lose this. Make sure it's up this Thursday. First thing in the morning." He snatched the piece of paper and stuffed it in his wallet. "It better not get lost in that."
"Mike, if you're so worried about it, why don't you upload all of it?"
"Because she's going to be back on Thursday. I want to spend all my time with her."
"Oh, so you think I'm just supposed to forget about my plans on Thursday for your shit?"
I sighed, "Darryl, what could you possibly be doing on Thursday?"
He pulled a planner out of his back pocket and opened it up, "Let's see. Six am, sex with Kimberly. Six thirty, smoke a blunt. Seven am, sex with Kimberly. Seven thirty, smoke a blunt. Eight am, sex with Kim-"
I snatched the planner out of his hands to find that he really did write all that down, "Nigga, since you can only last thirty minutes, the time you're smoking you could easily turn into uploading that mix tape and those tracks. Then you can get back to your lame ass thirty minute session and get back to uploading it when you smoke again." I threw the planner at him, "You will deal." I stood up and put my hat on, "I'll see you Friday maybe."
"What are you going to do today since she's gone?"
I shrugged, "Ion know. I have to apologize to Sophia. She'll forgive me. We'll probably hang out today or something."
"Oh, I see. When your girl gets mad at you, you go back to your side chicks and she goes back to Drew."
I rolled my eyes, "I don't have side chicks. I have female friends and then I have you, the nigga who gets sloppy as fuck when he drinks. I'd rather hang out with those female friends. Wouldn't you agree?" He flipped me off. "Anyway, let me go call her now. I'll see you later."
• • •
Authors Note: The song written and "sung" here is not an actual song by Michael Jackson! This song is called, "Here Comes The Sun" and it is by The Weeknd. It is one of his added tracks on his Trilogy album. I highly suggest you listen to the song, not only because it's really good, but also to feel the connection to the story through song :)