At this point in time, I believe that I have fully let her go. I've let her go to the point that I got a new number and I moved so she won't try to come back to me. Well, technically I moved to a loft below mine. Loft 28. The window that gave view to the city wasn't as great as the one upstairs, but I'll deal.
"Roll it up like this. Make sure you don't spill any of it." I laughed. "This shit cost me a fortune. Ok? Don't go wasting it all over my carpet." Sophia laughed and attempted to roll the joint precisely.
"Is that good?" She held up the joint. I took it from her and held it under my nose.
"It smells good..."
"Stop!" She laughed.
I smiled, inspecting how she rolled up the joint. "Not bad." I kissed her forehead.
"Thank you." She blushed.
"Light it." I held the blunt toward her and watched as she concentrated on flicking the lighter on.
"I know how to light it, Michael." She sighed as she lit the end of the joint. I think we were a tad bit too comfortable in my opinion. But I guess it's kind of going back to old times. She was sitting there in her underwear just as I was sitting on the floor in my boxers. How the hell it happened? I don't fucking know. But I'm having fun. Especially since it's helping me forget. Sophia took the blunt out of my hand and took a long drag from it.
"Don't be so eager." I rubbed her back. "Slow down." She was too damn excited.
"This is my first time trying chronic. Sorry if I'm taking it too fast."
"Don't apologize to me. Apologize to yourself. If you keep taking it that fast you're going to get a headache and that's gonna mess up your high, girl." I took the blunt away from her and inhaled it slowly into my lungs. "That's how you take it." I held her face and blew the smoke into her pursed her lips and kissed her.
"Give me another one." She smiled. I kissed her again much longer than before. "I have a question, Michael." She asked as I took another slow drag from the blunt and handed it to her.
"What made you start smoking? You said you were never going to do drugs."
I looked over at her, "You said the same thing. Look at you."
She laughed, "No, I'm serious. You always said drugs were not your thing back in like 9th grade."
"Do you see how far back you went? That's about ten years ago, Soph. Don't go bringing up the past." I closed my eyes leaning my head back on the bed.
"I just want to know. I mean, hell, you got me on it too. Tell me what made you do it." She laid her head on my lap as she exhaled a cloud of smoke.
I sighed, "Life." I took the blunt and inhaled some more chronic. "It just got stressful. It got hella weird and boring. I needed some excitement. I also needed to slow down. Darryl was on it and I asked him for it one day. I'm not addicted to it. It's a relaxer. Especially during times like these when I fall in love with a person who doesn't love me back. Either I calm myself down or do something I might regret. I'd rather pick the latter. Don't you think?"
"Oh, I can understand that now." She was quiet for a little bit. "I never thought you were a weed head or anything. I was just asking. Weed isn't a bad thing, I mean I do it. You're still successful. You've still got your life together, but I just wanted to know what got you to do it. I've wanted to know for a while now."
"Well there's your reason. Now, why do you do it? Were you just copying me?" I smiled.
"Just a bit." She laughed. "But you always told me it was a good relaxer, so I figured why the hell not?"
"No behind the scenes story?"
"Nope. Well...the stress with my sister. I wanted to be less stressful. I wanted to be in a happier place."
"That's understandable. Get up for a minute." As soon as she got up I laid down beside her on the floor. "I've been through a lot, Sophia. I'm not doing this just because."
"I know." She got up and lay on top of me.
"Well." I smiled. "What are you doing, girl?"
"Just laying here." She looked up at me.
"Just lying here, huh?"
"Mmmhm." She blushed.
"What about that Chronic?"
"It's good, huh?"
I rubbed my eyes, "Give me some more." She took the blunt between her lips and inhaled it first, then gave it to me. I took it and inhaled its intoxicating smoke into my lungs. "You have pretty eyes, Sophie."
"You really do." I caressed her face.
"You're high, Michael." Sophia smiled.
I laughed, "Not to the extent that I want to be. You've always had pretty eyes."
"I thought I just had sexy legs."
"That too." I brought her down to kiss me.
She kissed me back but got up quickly, "Yeah, you're definitely high. You wouldn't kiss me like that, Michael."
"How do you know?" I gave her a weird look.
"Remember that, 'I don't love you slash we can't be friends with benefits' speech you gave me? You're high. Trust me, I'd go through with it with you but um, I'd rather not because I know it's not what you really want."
"How do you know what I want and what I don't want? Sophia, you've always been gorgeous to me."
"Yes...but you've never wanted me. I've come to terms with that. You need to come down for a bit." She got off of me and went to the bathroom. I sat up and looked out the window. I'm not even as high as I want to be. But I guess I'm that high... I don't know. They always say the truth comes out when you're drunk and high. But I'm going to leave that alone. I got up and went to the kitchen to get some water. All I want to do is forget. She's still on my mind, that's why I wanted to get higher. I'd rather forget than continue to feel the pain while I'm still high. As I took a sip from the water bottle, Sophia came out and came over to me. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine." She hugged me close. "Sophie, I'm fine." I laughed, hugging her back.
"I know. You just need a hug." She looked up at me.
"How can you tell?"
"You're still in love with her. I know what it's like. You wanted to get high because you wanted to forget, but you failed to forget that you'd be doing other shit when you're high," She laughed. "I'm just being a good friend. You really need a hug right now." I hugged her back. She was right. All of my closest friends know so much about me. Darryl knows the most of course.
"Anytime. You'd do the same for me, wouldn't you?"
She smiled, "I knew you would."