Rage

We finally landed at LAX. Two a.m. Los Angeles time. With the drastic time difference between Tokyo and the states, I feel like I’ve traveled back in time. Yet, I’ve moved forward. I’ve found out that the woman I loved betrayed me and something has to be done about it. This couldn’t go undealt with. Bill was so clueless about what was going on. “One minute he was happy to see Zora, now it seems he has his eyes set on something else,” he complained to Brett. Oh, but Brett knew. Brett knew he was going to take me to her house to confront her too. Bill was worried though. He said he felt a shift in energy and wondered if I was okay. I told him I was fine. I just need some rest. He didn’t believe me. He was certain something was wrong with me.

“Bill, go on and go home. Get some rest. Brett will take me home,” I finally told him. Being in Bill’s company now was irritating me.

“Are you sure?” He asked.

“Positive. It’s been a long flight. Go home to your wife. I’ll call you tomorrow.” He looked at me for a moment before finally taking the waiting car home. Brett looked at me. “Let’s go.” He opened the rear door of the truck for me. I looked in the rear seat to find the get-well care package that I asked for. Just looking at it pissed me off. She doesn’t even need this as far as I’m concerned. I slid in beside it as Brett shut the door behind me.

He got in and started the truck, “where to?”

I looked out the window, “let’s go see her.”

“You sure about that?” I could feel him looking at me. I nodded. He sighed and started driving. What am I going to say to her? Would I just walk up and curse her out? Should I inquire who she has been sleeping with? Beat the shit out him and ask questions later? How does one go about this? If this is even true to begin with… I don’t know how I’m going to approach this situation. All I know is that I must see her. For one, I must see if she’s really sick. And secondly, we need to talk about this. “Do you want to call her to at least let her know you’re coming?”

“No,” I said a bit too harsh and quick. “I was initially going to surprise her. May as well continue with that. The only difference is the intention.” He nodded. My heart raced with anticipation. Is she going to lie to my face? Probably. She’s going to say that Patrick lied. I’m going to ask her why Patrick would lie about something like that. It’s going to be interesting to watch her scramble for her next lie. Wow. Zora is a liar. She’s been lying to me this entire time. She’s a good liar if I do say so myself. I never suspected a thing. Never heard a difference in her voice. She never gave me a reason to question anything. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. She would even call me when she was horny for phone sex. I chuckled to myself. Brett looked at me through the rear view. I was all the way in another country. She didn’t care about the time difference. Didn’t care that I was busy with whatever I had going on at the time. She wanted phone sex and I gave her that. We both needed it. God knows I could have any woman in the world, but I never acted on that. I wanted Zora and I stayed celibate the whole tour for her. I had self-control. I contained myself. I took control of my desire. I controlled my sex drive. So, not only have I not had sex for an entire year, but I just found out my girlfriend has been cheating on me the entire time. I’m pissed. Sexual frustration does not mix well with anger. Matter of fact it’s a dangerous combination and I pray to God I can control myself when I confront her. Because as far as I’m concerned, I’m about two seconds from going apeshit.

The woman I love physically betrayed me. How am I supposed to get over this? How am I supposed to rationalize this? All I want to know is the why. Why would she do that to me? I want to ask her what I did wrong. Could she really not wait for me? I just want to talk to her. That’s all. I want to have an adult conversation and ask her what I could have done better. Should I have come visit her? Should I have called her more? Should I have flown her out? Wait... She was the one who didn’t want to come with me. She was the one who told me not to fly her out. Was she cheating on me then? Was she fucking this nigga when I asked her to come out? When I told her I would pay for the flight and all? She must have been, because had she not, she would have been on the first flight out. It’s all making sense now.

I wanted to fly her out to Italy for her birthday…

“Oh, baby. I can’t… They need me at the studio,” she sighed.

“Why? That’s what you have employees for. That’s what you have a manager for. Come on. Let me fly you out,” I begged. She came up with every excuse as to why she couldn’t.

I wanted to fly home before the Asia leg in October…

“Babe, I’m about to come home!” I told her excitedly.

“For what?” She asked.

“To see you! I haven’t seen you all year! I want to see you before the Asian tour…”

“Oh… You don’t have to do that. I’ve got so much going on at the studio, I won’t be able to see you. I’ve got to fly to New York, Houston, Paris...”

“I’ll just go with you.”

“No,” she sighed. “I know how tired you must be. Why don’t you just stay in Bucharest for a while? Maybe I’ll come and visit you.”

“You mean that?”

“Yes,” she smiled. And of course, she didn’t. She gave me another excuse as to why she couldn’t see me. Despite her being in Paris, which was only a three-hour flight, she didn’t even come see me. She told me I couldn’t come see her because she would be in and out of Paris. She’s been lying to me this entire time and I didn’t even realize it. I just chucked it up to both of us being busy with our careers. I understood the craziness of her career and she understood the craziness of mine. It seems as though she took advantage of that too. Smart woman. Stupid woman. It’s all adding up now. All the excuses. And now all of a sudden, she’s “sick.” I scoffed. Yeah right. Probably going to purge that pussy of all the sin it’s acquired since I’ve been gone.

“Brett,” I finally said after a long ride in silence.

“Hmm?” He looked at me through the rear view.

“I need you to stop by Walgreens.”

“For what?”

“It’s cold outside. I need gloves.”

Brett furrowed his eyebrows, “what… kind…?”

“Leather.”

“Leather…” he nodded. He probably thinks that’s strange, but out of all the years he’s known me, when hasn’t he thought something I did was strange? Forty degrees is cold to me. “Why do you want to stop by Walgreens for some gloves? You know they’re not going to be genuine leather.”

“It’s two a.m. What department store do you know of that’s open right now?” An arched eyebrow accompanied my question.

“Ah,” he nodded. “You’re right. My bad, brother,” he got in the right lane to make the exit off the highway. “You alright back there? You’ve been quiet this whole ride.”

“I have nothing to say,” I continued looking out the window.

He sighed, “I’m sorry, man. I didn’t mean to-”

“No. Thank you. Thank you for looking out. You’re a true friend, Brett,” I nodded.

“I try to be…”

“Everything makes sense now…”

“What’s that?”

“You were right. She’s been lying to me the whole time. I was just too blind to see it. She would give me excuse after excuse… Lie after lie as to why she couldn’t come out to see me or why I couldn’t go see her. Now that I’m coming back for good for a while, she wants to play sick.”

“How do you know she’s playing?”

“When have you known Zora to be sick?”

“You’re right.”

“The girls’ immune system is stronger than yours and mines combined. She ain’t sick. She’s stupid if she thinks I believe that shit.” Brett pulled into a Walgreens parking lot and went inside. I opened the window to get some fresh air. Lord knows I need it. After being in a stuffy plane for eleven hours and now I’m in the car for another forty-five. Fresh air was definitely needed especially with everything I’ve got on my mind right now. I’ve been loyal. So loyal to Zora. It’s not hard for me to be loyal at all. It’s been rather hard for me to put something before my career though. My career always came first. Always came before any woman I dated, which is probably why those relationships ended in the first place. Always came first before my health, which is probably why my body is always in pain now. But when I met Zora, she told me if I put my career before her there would be no us. And I wanted us. I wanted us badly. The girl was bad. To see a beautiful dark skin woman like herself on my arm for all the world to see… I had to have her. I couldn’t pass her up. She was heaven on earth. She came first. I was forced to put my career second. If I didn’t, I couldn’t have her. I had a perfect balance. I had the woman I loved and my career. If that’s not love and sacrifice, I don’t know what is. I’ve given her everything, but I guess only so much can keep a woman warm…

A light skin woman walked up to my window, a book in her hand, “Michael? Michael Jackson?” she smiled in shock.

“Hi,” I offered the fakest smile I could muster up.

“What are the odds I’d see Michael Jackson in a Walgreens parking lot at two a.m.?” She gawked.

I nodded, “what book is that?”

“Oh, um. It’s silly really,” she blushed, clutching it close to her chest.

“Let me see it.”

“You- You want to see it?” She stammered.

“Yeah,” I nodded. She handed me the book. The Autobiography of Malcolm X. “This is a good book. I’ve read it about ten times.”

“Really?” Her eyes grew in excitement.

“Mmmhm,” I nodded. “It’s good to see it’s still being read.”

“Yeah. Every generation should read it.”

“I agree,” I told her as I flipped through the paperback.

“Ugh,” she groaned, slapping her hand against her forehead. “I want to ask for an autograph, but I don’t have a pen and paper. Could you, um, sign the book for me?”

“Sure,” I shrugged. I looked over at the get-well package. The anger that went away before suddenly raced back. A pen stuck out of the back of the basket. I took it out and opened the cover. “What’s your name?”

“Faith,” she smiled.

Faith, knowledge is power. Continue to read. Continue to learn. Continue to discover the truth. The truth will always set you free. Love, MJ. I signed the book and handed it back to her.

“Thank you so much!” She smiled and made her way into Walgreens just as Brett was coming out.

“Here,” he got in the car and handed me the bag with the gloves. I took them out and put them on. Perfect size. Not genuine leather, but they kept my hands warm. “We’re on our way to her now,” he started the car.

“Good. I can’t wait to see her face when she sees me.”

VII

We finally got off at the exit to Zora’s house. My heart raced with anticipation. I have a mixture of emotions really. I haven’t seen her all year. I’m excited. Sad. Angry. Pissed. Heartbroken. Alert. I want to cry. I want to scream. All. At. Once. Brett was still unsure if we should even go over there considering my mental state. He thinks I should give it a couple of days to think it through before confronting her. But no. I want to see her. I don’t want a couple of days. She gave me a couple of days. No. I want to see her now, despite what everyone has to say. I need to see her. I need to express my feelings. I need to ask her why. I need her to answer me. I need clarity. I need understanding. I still needed to know if this was the truth. And while all signs pointed to “yes,” I needed her to tell me. Then I’d be done with it.

As we drove up her street, my heart raced. The lump in my throat grew again. I’m not even sure if I can stomach seeing her anymore. The closer we got, the more anxious and upset I became. Brett started driving slowly as we started to pull up to her house.

“Don’t,” I cleared my throat of the growing lump. “Don’t park in the driveway. I want to get in, say what I have to say and get out. Park across the street.” He nodded. We slowly passed her neighbor’s house and finally slowed down in front of her bedroom window. The blinds were open, but her curtains were closed. I told her to change those curtains a long time ago. The whole world could see right through them. The floor lamp was on and bright. I took several breaths to calm my racing heart, but it just wasn’t working. I have to go in there. I have to face her. I have to ask if this is true. I have to-

She walked in the room smiling brightly, wearing a red silk spaghetti strapped dress. The dress I bought her for Valentine’s Day last year. She laughed, taking off her earrings and turned to face the open door to her bedroom. She didn’t look an ounce of sick. My heart dropped. A tall dark skin fellow emerged from the other room and shut the bedroom door. Brett turned around to look at me. I could feel him staring at me, but I couldn’t turn around being that my eyes were glued on the betrayal happening before my eyes. The man pulled her in for a sultry kiss slipping the straps from her shoulders revealing her beautiful naked body. She kissed him back, unbuttoning his shirt and unbuckling his pants. I-

“Michael-”

“Shh…” I told him as I watched the scene unfold. My heart was racing. My eyes stung with the tears that I refused to let fall again. So, it was true. Brett wasn’t lying. She has been lying this whole time. Zora has been lying to me this whole time. And I’m watching her lies play out before my eyes. She wasn’t sick. She was never sick. She’s just a damn good actor! My hands suddenly got clammy. She turned him around and pushed him onto the bed. The bed I paid for. The bed we made love on. The bed I took her virginity on. She pulled down his pants and boxers’ way past his ankles and kissed his calves the same way she kissed mine. She kissed his thighs the same way she kissed mine. She licked his chest, leaving traces of saliva the same way she had done mine. She tongue kissed him the same way she kissed me. No… No. No. Not Zora. Zora, no… She sat herself right on top of his erect dick. I watched as her face contorted into pain at first then pleasure. She smiled once he was all the way inside… Inside what was mine. He sat up and kissed between her breasts, up her neck and finally her lips. They rocked back and forth in a position that was all too familiar to me. That was my favorite position with Zora. I could witness her unapologetic beauty while rocking her world at the same time. And now he was doing that. He had her left butt cheek held tightly in his right hand and her right nipple between his lips. She was enjoying every minute of it, reaching back and underneath her to grab his balls. Zora. My Zora was having sex with someone else right in front of me. Betraying me before my eyes. Letting another man inside what she vowed to me. Marriage or not. Did she even feel guilty? Obviously not. The bitch decided to fuck him the same night she knew I was coming back into the country. “Brett, hand me that pistol in the glove compartment.”

“The what?” He looked at me.

I turned back to him, “hand me the pistol in the glove compartment,” I repeated. He opened the glove compartment and handed it to me. I checked to see if it had bullets in it. It did.

“Mike, don’t do this…” he said as I opened the door and walked up to her front lawn. They didn’t even notice me. I pulled the trigger shooting right through the window at the wall. Zora screamed as she and her fuck buddy scrambled to get up. She looked outside to find the source and immediately locked eyes with me. Her eyes grew wide with fear. My heart raced, eyes growing wide with anger. I inhaled and pulled the trigger again shooting her between her breasts. Her eyes grew wider with shock as her body fell limp to the carpeted floor. The body’s final curtain call was the fear and shock in her eyes. Her fuck buddy looked at me, eyes wide in fear, shock and anger at the sight of me. I shot him twice. Didn’t have to think twice about that.